"Heroes", we need to talk.

It's been two-and-a-half years since you came into my life. At first, I wasn't too sure about you. But you grew on me, and we were happy for a while. Sure, I overlooked some of your flaws, but at the end of the day I enjoyed your company, so I stuck with you.

But, I dunno, lately things have changed between us. Actually, not us. YOU. You've changed. Lately it seems like you're not making any sense. You'll say something that totally contradicts something you've said before. Your flaws became more and more glaring. I get the impression your dad doesn't like me: I heard he called me a sap and a dipshit. And, okay, you also put on some weight. I wasn't going to say anything, but you've packed on a lot of dead weight and you're no longer as attractive as you used to be.

I've been trying to give you a chance. But I don't know how many second and third chances are in me. I think I've been pretty patient over the last year-and-a-half, waiting for things to turn around, but now I think it's time to break it off.

Aww, don't cry. Look, I've been really busy with work and stuff. It's just that TiVo only holds twenty hours of high-definition content, and I have to share that with all my other shows. I'm always rushing to watch stuff before it gets deleted, or before TiVo says he won't record anything else. It's not you, it's me.

Here's a tissue. Just because we're taking a break doesn't mean we can't get back together again. Look, deep down inside you're the same show I fell in like with. Maybe someday you'll figure out who you really are. Give me a call and maybe we can start over again.

Huh? What do you mean? I....Okay, fine, I admit. Yeah, I've been seeing "LOST" all this time. And you know what? I love "LOST"! You know what else? "LOST" has met my parents! Have you? No? Didn't think so! You can forget about us getting back together! We are sooo through!