Exhausted

You can probably tell it's been a rough weekend.

It really wasn't physically demanding, it was mentally demanding. Rhonda and I have enjoyed a very happy marriage so far, but I'd be lying if I said the demands of married life weren't having an effect on both of us.

It's just too damn difficult to be isolated (for the most part) here in San Jose. Aside from a small bunch of Stockton transplants, most of our friends live in Stockton. Both of our families live in Stockton. We end up traveling to Stockton at least one, usually two or three weekends per month, and on all the major holidays.

The typical weekend in Stockton consists of us juggling our time between my family, her mom, and our friends. This usually results in no one being very happy with the arrangement. My family thinks we don't stay there long enough (we sleep at Rhonda's). Rhonda's mom usually works Saturday nights, so the time we can spend there is limited. We see our friends at church or if there is a pre-planned event, or not at all. Did I mention this leaves us without time to each other?

This weekend we got into town early Saturday evening. Rhonda's mom was not home, but she had cooked for us. I had already gotten a call from my sister asking if we were coming over to dinner, which I had to decline since we already had food at Rhonda's. We went to Easter vigil mass, after which I talked Rhonda into going out with our friends to Chili's. We got home and went to sleep, only briefly taking with Rhonda's mom.

Rhonda went to church with her mom Sunday morning, while I slept in a little. Rhonda committed us to lunch at Xochimilco (yum) with our friends but I think her mom was a little hurt because she wanted to spend time with us. After lunch we went to Rhonda's to visit but then her mom left to go to Jackson with her friends. We still hadn't seen my family either. Rhonda walked her dog, which we practically never have time to do when we're in town, then we went to my cousin David's house to visit my family. My dad was working so he wasn't there. We stayed there a couple hours, which included the most contentious and least fun game of Pictionary ever played, before we left for the ill-fated pillows concert.

Neither of us, by this point, was in anything remotely resembling a happy mood. I couldn't even get excited about a concert six months ago I would've only dreamed about. It was rainy and cold. My body was sore from sleeping on a strange bed and we both felt our sinuses ready to implode. By the time traffic had worn me down, I felt like doing nothing except going home and going to sleep.

Let me remind you this is how about half our weekends go. Our apartment doesn't get any cleaner while we're gone either. It's just so draining, and shows no real signs of improvement.

I don't know a single person in the same boat we're in. We have friends who are married, and friends who live out of town, but no one who feels the pressure to distribute their time the way we do. It would be much easier if one of our families lived somewhere else, because it would be much more cut-and-dry where we would spend our time. I also don't know why we always do all the visiting - no one comes to see us.

To add to that I am having a tough time getting used to staying at Rhonda's. Throughout our pre-married days, she stayed at her mom's and I stayed at my mom and dad's. Since my parents don't have a suitable bed for two, we've been staying at the Hotel Caranza since September, and it's been a difficult adjustment. Everything is so much different from how I've lived the entirety of my life, and while my mother-in-law has been entirely accommodating, it's just hard. Rhonda even does things differently at her mom's than she does at home, and I feel completely thrown off by my surroundings.

I don't know how this is all going to work out. It's definitely disheartening, because it often feels like an entire weekend goes to waste. I've suggested taking trips to Stockton for the day and coming back, which has worked with mixed results, and is often more impractical than staying overnight. We're just going to have to figure something out and make it up as we go along.

And no, moving to Stockton is not an option. When was the last time you saw a software company in Stockton?

I blew my whole lunch blogging. Back to work.