Kind of Blue.

It's a funny thing. When Rhonda left yesterday to help out at the retreat, I didn't think too much of it. I mean, I had a business trip in Colorado, and there have been a couple one-off days where we were apart, so it's not like we've never separated. She's going to be back Friday.

Nevertheless, I really miss her. When you get used to spending almost all your free time with a person, even when you're in the same house but doing different things, it throws you off when you're all alone.

I thought I would get some stuff done around the house, at the very least clear the DVR of shows I have saved that we don't watch together. But instead, it's been kind of sad. Yesterday, I went grocery shopping and had to make two trips to the car. I haven't had to live alone in seven years now - two nights in a Broomfield hotel room don't count.

It makes me wonder how I ever got by being single. Sometimes I look at the piles of unread books and unwatched DVDs in the library, and the general clutter in the house, and I wonder how I ever used to do so much and still have time to work out, and cook, and keep the place clean. And now I realize it was because I was bored out of my frickin' gourd. I had to keep busy to fill the time I would've otherwise spent with other human beings.

That first year I lived out in North San Jose, the only person I knew in town was my aunt. No Rhonda, no Marv, no Jesse, no Joy & B.J., no-body. It was exciting to be living on my own for the first time, making big bucks (at least, compared to bagging groceries), and living in the tech life in the thriving Silicon Valley. But as much as that was exciting and new (yeah, like the Love Boat), and even though I'm as introverted as they come, I still would've liked someone to share it with. I got lucky, and the following year the boys moved out here, and Rhonda and I gravitated towards each other.

So you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone, even if it's only gone for a couple more days.

Also, tomorrow is the layoff. It's nice to know one way or the other if I'll have a job Friday (and going forward), and in that sense it's a good thing, but I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I was feeling cautiously optimistic up until this week, but now I'm not as sure. Even if I survive the cut, it's going to be a horribly sad and depressing day at the office. It's also not encouraging that if I get the axe, I have an empty home to come home to.

It's out of my hands now. I've prayed over it and however it turns out is how it turns out. Believe it or not, there are positives to either outcome so I need to focus on that if I'm going to get any sleep tonight.