I fought the MALM and the MALM won

Dear IKEA,

I want to take a second to tell you how much I love your cheap particle-board furniture. Instead of only being able to afford a couple of nice pieces of furniture, my wife and I can buy a houseful of good-looking but mediocre quality furniture.

However, I have to say the instructions for your 6-drawer MALM dresser are disappointing. It's disheartening enough there are more steps to the assembly than hours in a day, and that I had to dig through a giant bag of screws and nails and little wooden pegs to find four screws for one of the early steps.

The coup de grace is that the next-to-last step is to install a brace to keep the thing from falling over and crushing someone in an earthquake. The problem is this could have been done way, way sooner. To make things much more fun for me, there was no hole in the smooth particle board surface for the wood screw. Because the dresser was already assembled, I had to try awkwardly to screw the screw in, upside-down and with my left hand, as there was no room to hold the screw with my left and the screwdriver with my right.

Finally, I just flipped the heavy bastard upside down so I could get the screw in right-handed and right side up. Of course, that was not after a solid twenty minutes of obscenities that will surely need to be apologized for this weekend at retreat.

So please, tell Nils or Inga or whoever designed this monstrosity to a) help a brother out by pre-drilling a small hole for the wood screw, and b) moving step 24 to, like, step 8. If the assembly time can be shortened to, say, a couple hours instead of a couple days, that would also be appreciated.

Cheers,
Chris